The first version of the dummy book Volta
The more I see, the more I’m convinced that whatever you shoot is thing that hurts you, that you are thinking of, that ripens consciously or not. Of course I’m just speaking about myself and my own experience. I’m sure others can thinks differently. But I got this as a therapy helping conceptualize myself at different stages.
I remember myself as a child who was living in his universe, and remained there. And I don’t know how much of that child is still inside me. I’d be happy for a half at least, because I remember how good it felt to me.
I also remember myself as a young guy going to become a man. First love, second love. But that time was fulfilled with instructions. Society dictates you what kind of person you should be. School, street, university, military service — everything is imbued with un-love — and destruction, emotional and physiological, occurs here.
Every time you need to make a choice and there’s no single moment to stop. Because of your age, you’re unable to tell who are you and what you strive now. Trying to catch what will you want in the future makes even less sense. You always have a ‘fallback option’ of your dream, but it goes against your real everyday life. Everything awaits your decision, which must be mundane and stereotyped.
Like a fool one walks, stumbles upon everything, gets abrasions and wounds. Realizing the world touch by touch, one searches for God, and accepts himself or herself. This is like leading a line over a ribbed wall with your hand. I want to be a man no longer. I just want to be.